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Terms of Endearment

posted Sep 30, 2009, 3:37 PM by Mr. M   [ updated Sep 30, 2009, 3:39 PM ]

Terms of Endearment in BDSM

by Mr.M 

            The world of BDSM is filled with contradictions that are nonetheless fact. Loving beatings, joyful pain, freedom through slavery. One such contradiction that often gets us in trouble with the real world is the idea of endearments. We often show our great affection for our significant others in this lifestyle through terms that would make many blanche. I asked some mailing lists in which I participate what endearments they enjoy, and considered my own behavior in this area. I find that the following are near and dear to me and wished to share them. I remind my readers that I am a heterosexual Top, and the following reflects that fact.  Also, I love the taboo and “dirty talk.”


Slut – Ah, the age old favorite. In our modern society this term often rates far worse than even our most foul of defined expletives. Answer honestly to yourself, would you be more affected if someone called you (or your mother) a fuck, or a slut? Slut has more impact in nearly every case.  Why? Because fuck is a verb, it’s something you do. Hell in the modern world its something most are proud to have it known they are doing. But slut, oh no, that’s a different story. Slut is a status word, it connotes a place in the world. It screams in the back of peoples’ minds that you are naughty, disgusting, forbidden and yet desired. And for all of these reasons I love it.  But there is an odd transformation when someone goes from being “a slut” to being “my slut.” Then for all the dirty associations, it becomes a position of pride. For it marks someone as owned, and valued for qualities that most society looks down upon. Sexual desire, wanton behavior, greed for the physical; all of this becomes a positive. Ah, I do so adore my sluts.


Pet – If you ever want to piss off a group of femi-nazis (to be very much separated from feminists) use this in front of them.  And yet I have found very few terms within this lifestyle so very associated with love, trust and devotion.  Think of our generic conception of pets. Creatures from whom we receive perfect love without restriction. A pet does not judge, it simply provides intimacy. Pets’ have no concern for your looks, your income level, whether or not you got a promotion or a degree; pets’ simply exist for you. They give you unquestioning companionship in exchange for simple care and kindness.  Add human rational to such a being and you find something beautiful, intimacy. Someone who deeply cares for you and you can care for, without reserve. How often do we feel maligned by the world? How often do we feel judged to the breaking point by everyone around us? But never by a pet. A pet is love gift wrapped in something warm to hold, and that can hold you. No my friends, I will never let it be said that “Pet” is anything less than a compliment.


Lady – I read too much old literature, I admit it. And because of my love of Shakespeare, Donne, and Byron I have the habit of often coming off cheesy. I like to refer to women as Lady whomever.  I believe it conveys respect as well as desire.  Forgive my unabashed male hetero bias here, but women are beautiful, sensual masterpieces. A Lady takes all that is woman and adds elegance and intelligence, at least to me.  And while within this lifestyle I may enjoy said Lady kneeling before me in quiet longing; that fact takes nothing away, rather it adds to, such a woman’s glory.


Cunt – That’s right I said it: cunt. Cunt! cuntitty, cunt, cunt CUNT! I use it for every reason many would say I never should. In today’s world this is the bottom of the barrel. The foulest of the foul, and that’s patently ridiculous.  It is a commentary on us as a society that a word for vagina that has been around for hundreds of years now brings such fear and loathing. It is either dirty and wrong, say those who wish to purify all mention of sex from our vocabulary; or it is degrading to women, say women who have not owned their vaginas. I have a penis. It is also a dick, schlong, dong, pilly-papper, purple headed warrior and cock. None of this offends us as a people, but cunt. Oooo, scary. So I use cunt, and I use it for different reasons depending on partner. Sometimes I am playing with mental discomfort. Sometimes I am simply enjoying being “dirty.” And sometimes I am merely glorying in such a wonderful portion of a woman’s body. But I like Cunt, deal with it.


Mine – I am a territorial SOB and I’m proud of it. By such understanding do I love calling someone simply “Mine.”  With an arm holding them close or a hand in a bound Bottom’s hair, either way this is clear, and loving. I am staking a claim; declaring not only ownership but willingness to accept responsibility. When something is Mine it is not only there for my pleasure, but also under my care. It is my joy to find someone I can call, and whom will accept this most intimate of statements.